


White Lies // Minsung

by Bangbam



Series: The Lies of Life [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Child Abuse, Cussing, Depression, How Do I Tag, M/M, Please Don't Hate Me, Please Don't Kill Me, Sad, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-28 07:39:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 20,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16719157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bangbam/pseuds/Bangbam
Summary: "It's funny how we ended up just the way we started. Strangers.""Ji-""No Minho, there's nothing you can say. I don't want to hear whatever you have to say, just leave me alone.""But I wanna help..."__________________________________________________________________________________Han Jisung, the quiet kid that no one even knows goes to the school.Lee Minho, the kid who left.He comes back and it seems that alot has changed but he doesn't know what. Nobody does.......Warning: this will include swearing, abuse, suicide/self-harm, death, drinking, sexual scenes(but no explicit smut) and these will be updated as the story progresses





	1. 15

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work that ive posted so it might not be the best. This is also posted on Wattpad under the name AnUndeadSoldier. If you find mistakes then please feel free to point them out and I will try to fix them. Remember that comments are always welcome.

When Jisung woke up that morning he realized two things, one, he was still on the floor from the previous night and two, it was still dark outside. He quickly got off the floor, side-stepping a dried blood stain, and headed to the bathroom.

Flipping the light switch, Jisung started the shower. While it warmed up he looked at the mirror, at his pale skinny arms and sunken face, to the discolored skin on his torso. It all made him feel nauseous. He quickly turned and made his way to the shower so he wouldn't actually be sick. He's already malnourished.

Stepping out of the shower, Jisung grabbed his hoodie and a pair of jeans to put on for school. After that was done he grabbed his bag and sprinted down the stairs, hoping for is father to still be asleep. He was lucky today. Most likely because he was up so early. He quietly shut the door behind himself and started to walk in the direction of school. He disliked school, everyone was too fake, too judgmental, too happy. He always tried to block them out but when they're surrounding him it's kind of hard. But anything was better than his house. His father. 

Jisung was knocked out of his thoughts by the sight of the school building. It was still an hour before school started. He decided to sit on the rooftop until the bell rang for first period, less people to interact with. With that thought he walked through the doors and found his locker. He grabbed the necessary books and headed to the door to the roof where he sat and watched the sunrise. 

When the bell rang it startled him, causing him to jump a bit. Jisung grabbed his bag and started to first period. Not having any idea what this day would bring or what people it would bring back into his life.


	2. 14

When Minho had gotten the news that they would be moving for the second time he was indifferent. When he was told that they were moving back to his childhood home he was confused. He kept wondering why they moved the first time if they were just gonna move back three years later. He just didn't understand.

He had made friends at his new school and he didnt want to leave them. Sure, he had friends where they were going but he was sure that they wouldn't remember him. They had probably changed a lot as well. They might not even be there anymore for all he knew. When his family had moved for the first time it had been a big move, America to Korea, and there was a major time difference. He didnt try to keep in contact with his old friends because he knew the difference would interfere to much. He hadnt spoken to them since the day before he left.

He did think about them from time to time. He thought about if Changbin had ever gotten the tattoos that he wanted so much when he was younger, the ones in rememberence of his father. He also wondered what Jisung's little sister looked like. When he left she hadn't been born yet, Jisung's mother only being 3 months along, she would probably be almost three by now.

Even if Minho didn't want to move again, there was still a small part of him that was excited to see people from his past. People that he cared so much for. And on the day they left for the airport, he said goodbye to his friends and got on the plane with the feelings of excitement and for some odd reason, dread. If only he knew why that feeling was there, everything would have been different.


	3. 13

Jisung was sitting in the back of his third period classroom when it happened. He was drawing random things in his notebook, not listening to the teacher drone on, when there was a knock on the door. The teacher stopped talking and went to open the door, Jisung wasn't interested to know who it was and just ignored the conversation until he heard a voice that he never thought he would hear again. 

"Hello, my name is Lee Minho and the office told me that this was my third period class." The voice said timidly.

Jisung looked up in surprise and saw someone that he never thought he would see again. Someone he hadn't seen in three years.

Lee Minho. The boy who left.

Jisung didn't think that he looked that different really. Sure he grew up but he was still recognizable. He got taller and slightly broader. His face no longer held the baby fat that it did the last time he saw him. The times that they spent together before Minho left were playing through his head as Minho's eyes scanned the classroom, looking for anybody that he could recognize. When he found none he sighed quietly and moved to take the open seat in the back next to a kid wearing a beanie.

Jisung watched as Minho scanned the classroom with his eyes, watched as he sighed and started to walk. When he realized that Minho was walking towards him he snapped his head to look at his notebook and pretended not to notice as Minho sat next to him. That was until he heard a voice to his right.

"My name's Minho, what's yours?" He asked quietly, as not to disturb the class. Jisung just looked at him, not replying. 'He doesn't recognize me' Jisung realized, 'It's ok its not like I expected him to anyway'. As Jisung told himself that, he realized that it was true. At that moment Jisung promised himself that he wouldn't talk to Minho or interact with him, he was thrown aside once and wasn't about to go through it again. With that thought he looked away from Minho and back to his notebook, leaving a confused Minho to wonder why this kid disliked him so much. If he only knew who that kid really was sooner, maybe then he could've helped in time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 how exciting. They've finally met each other again. Now let the story begin.


	4. 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be the first of the backstory chapters. Every couple chapters or so I will post a backstory chapter to enlighten some things and move the story along. I hope you like these❤

(11 years before the present)

Jisung looked out of the car window as it stopped in front of a huge house, probably not really that huge but as a 5 year old Jisung thought it was. Once the car stopped Jisung struggled to take off his seatbelt until his mother opened the door and helped him. Once free Jisung jumped from the car and ran to meet his father at the front door, jumping out of excitement, causing his father to laugh. Once the door was open Jisung pushed past his father to see his new house. He turned in circles admiring everything he could see. He was so excited to be there finally.

From across the street 6 year old Minho watched as a strange car pulled up in front of the house across from his. He watched as a child that looked to be his age, maybe a bit younger, jumped out and started running around, causing Minho to giggle to himself. Minho quickly stood up and went to find his mother.

"Mommy can I go play with that kid?" Minho asked once he found her in the laundry room.

"What kid honey?" She asked looking confused. He didn't reply only grabbed her hand and started tugging her to the front door, that was still open from when he had run inside after he saw the kid. Once they were outside he pointed to the house across the street, showing her the kid that they could see running around through the big windows.

"Huh, I didn't even know that we were getting new neighbors." His mother muttered to herself.

"Minho sweetie, why don't we wait until your father gets home and then we can all go talk to them, is that okay?" She asked Minho, who was still staring at the house.

"Sure mommy." He agreed. 'I can't wait to make a new friend, I hope he likes me' Minho thought to himself excitedly.

Jisung stopped running when he noticed someone looking at him. He slowly walked to the window and looked outside. He noticed a boy around his age looking back at him. Jisung smiled brightly and waved to the boy excited to see someone his age. The boy blushed a bit from being caught staring but waved back anyway. Jisung was curious. He looked around not seeing his parents anywhere, shrugging he walked to the door and opened it, making his way outside into his front yard. He walked right to edge of the road so that he could talk to the boy easier.

"My name's Jisung, what's yours?" Jisung shouted across the road. The boy looked around for a second, probably contemplating whether or not he wanted to talk to the hyper kid across the street. As he thought Minho got a better look of this kid, he decided that this kid resembled a squirrel and he wanted to talk to him.

"My name is Minho." Minho shouted back. 

"That's a cool name Minho. Do you wanna be my friend?" Jisung asked another question, hoping for a yes.

"Sure I always like new friends." Minho replied, feeling happy that this kid, Jisung, did want be his friend. Neither of the boys knew at the time but this moment would shape the rest of their lives.


	5. 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! This chapter includes graphic destriptions of abuse and wounds. If you are triggered by this don't read it.

Jisung's head had been foggy ever since he saw Minho in third period. Even more foggy than it usually was. For some reason Jisung just couldn't stop thinking about him no matter what he told himself. Jisung was so far in his thoughts that he was startled when the last bell of the day rang. He quickly stood from his seat and walked to the door. Stopping by his locker quickly to drop off his books, Jisung made his way out of the school. He started walking in the direction of his house just hoping that he made it there before his father got home. If he was in his room there was a less likely chance to get hit, it was still a high chance but slightly less than the alternative.

As Jisung was walking down the sidewalk it started to rain but he paid it no attention, too caught up in his thoughts. He was so unaware of his surroundings that he didn't even notice the car in the driveway that was usually gone at that time. He wished he would have noticed.

Jisung had just walked through the door when his hair was grabbed and yanked, forcing his head back as well. He bit back a yell of pain, knowing that it would only make his father angrier to hear him. That was the rule: stay quiet to stay alive. Break the rule and it only got worse.

"Where were you boy?" The man snarled in his face. His eyes were blood shot and his breath reeked of alcohol. Jisung fought a grimace as he felt the grip on his hair tighten.

"I was at s-school" Jisung struggled to reply. The response caused the man to snarls again.

"Is that any way to address your father? The man who provides for you. You're worthless. You don't deserve my care." Mr.Han spit out.

"I'm s-sorry s-sir" Jisung cursed himself for stuttering. It was a sign of weakness that would only make things worse.

"Stop stuttering. You are a man. Act like it."

"I will sir. I'm sorry." Jisung tried to make his voice stronger but his voice still shook slightly causing his father to sigh in disappointment.

"Guess I'll have to toughen you up myself wont I?" He asked rhetorically. Jisung felt his heart drop at those words. The next thing he felt was a hand against his cheek. His head snapped to the side so fast that it was painful and Jisung suppressed another yelp. His father grabbed his shoulders and shoved him to the ground. Jisung landed on his back but before he had anytime to thing he felt a foot connecting with his ribs.

He felt a fist connect to his right cheek and then everything went numb, his body already used to this. He didn't remember much. Everything had a haze over it, almost like it was a dream. Jisung wished it was just a dream. He wished he could go back 2 years before everything went to shit. Before his father became this alcohol powered monster.

Jisung was snapped out of his thoughts as he felt his head connect with the floor. He vaguely registered that his father was holding his hair again, using it to slam his head to the floor. He was screaming but Jisung couldn't hear him, only the blood rushing in his ears. Eventually after getting no reaction his father left. Grabbed his keys and stalked out the door, slamming it behind him. 'He probably won't be back until tomorrow' Jisung thought quickly. He still couldn't feel his body but he was sure he would feel it tomorrow. He almost grimaced just thinking about it.

It had been about an hour since his father had left the house and yet Jisung hadn't moved an inch. He wasn't sure he could even if wanted to. He knew that he would have to eventually. He could feel the blood on his skin and could guess that his head was bleeding as well but he didn't want to move. He had half a thought just to let himself bleed out but then thought better of it. 

He slowly tried to sit up and felt the pain in his ribs. Probably a few broken from the kicking. Once he finally sat up Jisung surveyed the wounds that he could see. He had bruises already forming and could see he was bleeding from a few cuts on his arms. He slowly reached his hand to his head and felt the back where it had connected with the floor. He jerked his hand away with hiss as his fingers made contact. He looked at his finger tips and discovered that he was indeed bleeding. He groaned lowly, forcing himself to stand up and make his way to the bathroom. He slowly stripped his clothes and turned on the shower refusing to look in the mirror. He hissed again as he felt the warm water make contact with his wounds but he kind of liked the pain. He knows it's twisted but his father supplies so much pain for him, why not provide some for himself as well.

Jisung stepped out of the shower and was glad to see that the mirror was fogged, meaning that there was no chance for him to see himself. He slipped a pair of sweatpants on, they sat low on his hips from being too big. He decided to forego putting on a shirt, not wanting to lift his arms at the moment. Stepping out of the bathroom, Jisung went to find his backpack that had been discarded somewhere during the evening. Once he found it he grabbed it and lugged it up the stairs to his room. Shutting the door behind him, he went to the front of his bag and found his pack of cigarettes. Jisung walked to window and opened it, shivering at the cool breeze that blew through it. He grabbed a cigarette from the pack and lit it, inhaling the smoke, instantly feeling himself relax slightly. That's where he sat the rest of the night, by the window lighting cigarette after cigarette and contemplating why he was even still alive.


	6. 10

Minho was sitting in his 7th period class room waiting the last bell to ring. Once it rang he got up quickly and walked out into the hallway. He was making his way to his locker to discard his books when he saw finally saw someone that he recognized.

Seo Changbin.

Minho felt himself smile as he looked at his old friend. He laughed quietly when he realized that he hadn't grown much. Changbin had always been shorter than him. He did however get broader, now having shoulders that were probably wider than Minho's. Minho waited for him to stop at his locker before deciding to approach him.

"Hey Changbin" Changbin turned so quickly that he got dizzy when he heard Minho's voice. 

"Minho?" He questioned in disbelief, not believing that Minho was standing here in front of him.

"Yeah its me." Changbin just shook his head as a smile slowly came to his face.

"When did you get back? It's been so long dude. Have you seen Jisung yet?" Changbin asked quickly excited to see his childhood friend once again. 

"I just got back last week, its crazy being back here. I never thought I would come back truthfully. And Jisung still goes here? I haven't seen or heard of him before this." Minho answered all of Changbin's questions.

"Yeah about 4 months after you left he was in an accident and shut himself up not long after that. He stopped talking to me too." Changbin said sadly. Minho could hear the longing in his voice, he knew that even after all this time Chngbin still missed Jisung. Minho wondered what kind of accident Changbin was talking about. It had to have been bad if it made Jisung, one of the brightest and most energetic people he knew, shut himself up.

"Does he still look the same? Maybe we can talk to him." Minho suggested, not wanting his friend to be sad. But also wanting to see Jisung again. He missed him too.

"Yeah pretty much. Although he is skinnier and taller now but his face is still the same. He wears a lot of dark colors now too." The way Changbin described Jisung didn't sound right to Minho. 'Jisung in dark colors. Thats unusual' Minho thought to himself. The Jisung he knew always wore bright colors, most often shades of blue or red. But he also knew that it had been 3 years and he had no idea what was unusual anymore. Minho smiled sadly at the thought. 

Originally he had thought that he didnt miss his friends much because he had left young but this made him realize that he missed out on so much. And it made him realize that he missed them too.

"Oh look there he is now." Changbin exclaimed, startling Minho out of his thoughts. He looked up in the direction that Changbin was pointing. It was a boy at his locker. For some reason he looked familiar to Minho. When the boy turned around Minho had to catch himself before he gasped. It was the boy from third period, this can't be right Minho looked right at him, this wasn't Jisung it looks nothing like him.

"Are you sure thats him? It doesn't look like him." Minho asked, hoping that Changbin would turn and say that it was a joke and that the boy wasn't Jisung. But when Changbin turned around and looked at Minho with confusion, Minho knew that it really was him. This was nothing like the boy that he knew. His Jisung was bright and happy, always jumping around screaming, laughing, and causing trouble. This boy looked miserable. This boy looked dead. And for some reason the look scared Minho. A lot. 

He didnt know what had happened to Jisung but he was determined to find out. He was gonna bring back the boy that he once knew and he promised to himself that when he found Jisung again. He was never gonna let him go.


	7. 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Chan is referred to as Chris there is a reason.

Jisung watched out his window as the sun rose. He wasn't worried about leaving early today because his father never came home last night. He would know because he didn't sleep. He was still cursing himself for acting the way he did yesterday. He should hate Minho for leaving him behind, for not recognizing him. Jisung should hate him for being happy without him. Yet he doesn't. He can't hate Minho because Jisung understands. He would be happy without himself too. He wouldn't want to remember himself either. He can't hate Minho because he feels the same way.

He was just an annoying kid that Minho used to know. The clingy kid that still tried to talk to Minho after he left, even when he didn't answer. Not even once. Yet he still hadnt given up even after months without anything. He kept trying until the accident, when he finally realized that he was worthless. That he was just a mistake that always messed stuff up. 

That was when he gave up. Not just on Minho but everything in general. Its been that way for years. Changbin stopped trying after a few weeks, probably realizing how useless Jisung was too. But it was better this way, then Jisung couldn't ruin anyone else's life.

Jisung sighed, looking down at the empty box of cigarettes. They had run out around 4 AM and Jisung reminded himself to get more before school. Getting up and grabbing his clothes, Jisung stood and walked towards the bathroom. 

______________________________________

Minho sat down in his first period classroom and looked around. He was one of the first people here, having arrived an hour early, hoping to catch Jisung before class. When he walked into the building and looked everywhere for Jisung but didnt find him, Minho headed to his first class. He knew that he would see Jisung in third period.

It was 10 minutes after the bell rang when there was a knock on the door. The teacher stopped his lecture to answer the door. When he opened it Minho could see Jisung behind it.

"Why are you late Mr. Han?" The teacher asked in a strict voice. Jisung just sighed, wishing that they wouldn't call him that.

"Woke up late and had to walk to school." He answered. The teacher shook his head in disappointment.

"30 minutes after school detention for being late Mr. Han. This really needs to stop." The teacher answered. When the teacher said detention Minho thought he saw something like fear flash through Jisung's eyes but it was gone just as soon as it came. Jisung opened his mouth to reply.

"But sir I really can't st-"

"Do you want me to make it an hour Mr. Han" Jisung just shut his mouth and nodded his head, not wanting to make it worse. "Take a seat then. Dont let this happen again. Next time it will be an hour."

Jisung shuffled to his seat with his head down and sat silently for the rest of the hour. Minho wondered why he was so scared to stay a little bit longer after school. He didnt think that it was that big of a deal, it was only half an hour.

______________________________________

 

Minho stood from his seat as the bell for lunch rang. He promised Changbin that he would sit with him and his friends. Minho walked out the classroom door and met Changbin at his locker. While he was waiting for Changbin to switch out his books, Minho thought he saw Jisung walk outside to the back of the school through an exit door and made a mental note to follow him back there sometime.

"Ready to go?" Changbin asked, smiling. Minho just nodded and they headed down to the cafeteria. When they walked in the room Changbin headed to a table with 5 boys in the back corner. When they got close enough to the table Changbin cleared his throat, catching the attention of the boys making them stop what they were doing, which seemed to be an intense thumb wrestling match.

"Guys this is Minho. He's a childhood friend and he just came back. Treat him nice and dont scare him off please." Changbin introduced him. The boy sitting closest to them laughed when Changbin had them not to scare him off.

"Chris its rude to laugh. Stop it." The boy sitting next to the other boy, Chris, hissed while smacking his shoulder. Chris just made an offended face but then started laughing again.

"I'm sorry but that's like asking zombies not to eat people. Impossible." Chris replied. The boy just huffed and turned to to look at the table in front of him. When he turned his head Minho realized that he had freckles. 'Cute' Minho briefly thought. Changbin just sighed in exasperation and tugged Minho to sit down across from them.

"Okay guys introduce yourselves" Changbin said. The boys all looked back up at them, kind of making Minho uncomfortable from all the attention.

"Hi, I'm Jeongin. Nice to meet you." A young boy with braces started first. After the first move was made then the rest of the boys followed.

"I'm Hyunjin" The boy that looked like a model.

"Seungmin" A boy with red hair.

"Hey I'm Felix nice to meet you. I hope we can be good friends." The boy with freckles and a sunshine smile.

"Lastly I'm Chan or Chris whatever you want to call me, I dont care." The boy smiled and Minho noticed that he had dimples. Minho smiled at all of them.

"Well I'm Minho as you heard earlier." The boys just nodded and started talking again. Minho just sat and observed them. He noticed that the boys, Hyunjin and Seungmin were holding hands. He made a note to ask Changbin about that later.

"No, Chris stop! You dont even know my password." Minho was snapped out of his thought by Felix's exclamation. He looked over and saw that Chris had a phone in his hand, while Felix was leaned over his lap trying to get it back. 

"Come on, please" Felix whined but Chris just looked at him and smiled.

"Why? You got a boyfriend that you dont want me to know about?" Chris asked teasingly but Minho could hear that there was a bit of seriousness in those words. Felix just blushed and sputtered.

"What no!?" Felix exclaimed louder than he meant to.

"Good" Chris stated. After that there was just silence for a moment while everyone processed this. The silence was broken by Seungmin.

"Oh my god guys, just kiss already or something. Just get rid of the tension god." He said while rolling his eyes. Both Felix and Chris blushed and looked away, while Chris slid Felix's phone back to him over the table. 

"Thanks" Felix said quietly.

"No problem" Chris replied just as quiet. Seungmin and Jeongin just looked at each other and rolled their eyes.

"Hey guys I'm gonna go. It was nice meeting all of you." Minho said suddenly, breaking the silence surrounding the table. He stood up and walked out the door of the cafeteria.

"Look what you did. You made him feel awkward." He faintly heard Jeongin hiss before the door shut being him. He walked down the hallway, trying to remember which door he had seen Jisung walk out of earlier. He was gonna try and talk to him.

Minho made his way back towards Changbin's locker and saw the door he was looking for. He walked to the door and stopped right in front of it. He took a deep breath and pushed it open. He was right when he guessed that it lead to the back of the school. He stepped outside and looked around. There was a field behind the school and on the other side was where the trees started. He looked to his left and spotted a figure. He looked closer and realized that it was Jisung. He was leant up against the side of the building, a cigarette between his lips.

"You know those are bad for you right?" Minho spoke suddenly, startling Jisung and causing him to jump slightly. Jisung looked at him and narrowed his eyes.

"What's it to you whether theyre bad for me or not?" He asked in suspicion. Minho just chuckled and shook his head. 'Still just as sassy as I remember' he thought. 

"Because Jisung, I just do." Minho answered. Jisung looked surprised when Minho said his name. He hadn't recognized him yesterday, so what changed? Jisung had seen him with Changbin, maybe he had told Minho.

"Did Changbin tell you?" Jisung didn't need to elaborate. Minho knew exactly what he was talking about. Minho nodded his head and Jisung just sighed.

"What do you want Minho?" Jisung asked exasperated. He couldn't wait until this conversation was over and he was left alone again. Minho was slightly taken aback by the venom in Jisung's voice. He sighed quietly and prepared himself to speak again.

"Am I not allowed to talk to my old friends?" Jisung chuckled bitterly and looked right at Minho.

"Not when you leave and then ignore them for 3 years." Jisung replied. Minho's breath caught in his throat. He didn't realize that between the two of his friends that Jisung would be the one to hold a grudge. He actually thought that it would be Changbin and after he was so accepting, Minho thought that Jisung would be too. Turns out he was wrong. Things really did change.

"Look Jisung I'm sorry about that. I really never thought the I would ever see an-"

"Do you have a real reason to be here Minho? Or did you just come to annoy me?" Jisung cut off whatever excuse Minho was about to say. He was almost done with his cigarette and then he could just walk away. Minho really didn't think it was going to be this hard but he refused to give up. He had to know what happened to Jisung to change him so much.

"I just wanted to reconnect with my old friends again." Minho explained. Jisung scoffed.

"What makes you think that I want to be friends with you anymore? I was cast aside once before and I'm not too excited to have it happen again." Minho felt his heart squeeze. He really hadn't thought about how much his friends might be effected by him leaving.

"What? Nothing to say anymore? Listen Minho, maybe Changbin forgave you, okay but thats him, not me. I want nothing to do with you. You can go. You can stay. I honestly dont fucking care anymore." With that Jisung threw his cigarette butt on the ground, turned on his heel and walked right past Minho, bumping his shoulder on the way out. Minho could only stare after him longingly, wishing he knew what he was supposed to do. He didnt think it would happen like this but now he just has to work harder. He refuses to give up on Jisung. Even if it hurt him to try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contact has been made. I repeat contact has been made. I'm excited this is finally starting to pick up. This might have mistakes. If there are any I'm sorry. Feel free to point them out and ill try to fix them. Anyway I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Its slightly longer than the rest.


	8. 8

Jisung was sitting in his last class of the day, dreading the bell. He didn't want to go to detention, there was no way his father wouldn't beat him home and that would make everything worse. Finally the bell rang and Jisung slowly packed all his stuff into his bag. He made his way out of the room and to the detention room, surprised that he was the only one there today. He sat at a desk next to the window, putting in his ear buds, preparing to block everything out for the next half hour.

______________________________________

Once he was dismissed, Jisung slowly walked out of the school and towards his house. He could walk slowly today, his dad was already home so it wouldnt make a difference. He was only delaying the inevitable. He watched as his house came into view, looking nice and clean on the outside. If people only knew how deceiving appearances were. 

He approached the door and cautiously opened it, looking around when he heard nothing. He walked farther into the house. Suddenly he heard heavy footsteps coming from the direction of the kitchen and he flinched. 

"Boy! Where have you been?" He heard his father yell as he came into view.

"At school sir" 

"Liar! School was over an hour ago. Now tell me where you were, you useless mistake" His father yelled, grabbing his hair and forcing his head to crane back. 

"I'm n-not lying. I was a school" Jisung said through gritted teeth. He knew he made a mistake when he felt the grip on his hair tighten and prepared himself for a blow. Next thing he knew, he was on his knees and there were hands and feet on his body. He sat silently and took it all. One of these days his father was going to kill him and Jisung was looking forward to that day.

______________________________________

Unlike last time Jisung's father didn't leave after he was done, instead he went back to the kitchen to continue with his drinking. Jisung, like last time, was currently laying in the exact same spot that he was left in. The was until his father yelled again, causing him to flinch slightly.

"Boy make yourself usefully and go get me more alcohol from the store" His father ordered. Jisung just silently struggled into a sitting position. From there he unsteadily stood up, wincing when he had to put pressure on his left ankle. He walked out the door, not mentioning the fact that he couldn't even buy alcohol. He just wanted out of the house. 

As he walked out of the house he realized that it had started raining. He just sighed and continued walking, wanting to get as far away as he could. Eventually after about an hour of walking, Jisung had to sit. He sat on the curb and rolled up his pant leg, examining his ankle. He grimaced when he saw the swelling and the discoloration. He hoped that it was just sprained and not broken. Jisung looked up suddenly when he heard a car slowing to a stop right in front of him. His eyes widened when he saw who stepped out of it and walked closer to him.

______________________________________

Minho had been invited to the movies with Changbin and his friends. He was surprised because it was actually Felix who had offered, saying something about being sorry for making him feel awkward earlier. At first Minho had declined saying that it was fine and he didn't feel awkward but Felix kept insisting. When Changbin arrived, he had agreed with Felix and that was how Minho ended up driving to the movies to meet his friends. Could he even call them his friends yet? He didn't really know but went with it anyway.

He made it to the theatre, pulling into a parking spot next to Chris' car. When he stepped out of his car he was ambushed by Felix wrapping his arms around him in a hug. Minho tensed at first but slowly relaxed and patted Felix's back. A hand reached over and pulled Felix's shoulder causing him to let go.

"Felix he probably doesn't want a stranger hugging him" Apparently Chris was the one to pull him away.  
Felix pouted.

"But I like hugs" He whined, causing Minho to chuckle slightly. 

"Just because you do doesn't me-"

"Hey its okay if you want to hug me. I was just surprised." Minho interrupted Chris, smiling softly at Felix.

"Ha! Take that he does like my hugs" Felix exclaimed, sticking his tongue out at Chris. Chris just sighed, rolling his eyes while he shook his head slowly. 

"Whatever" He huffed and turned to walk towards the building. 

"Hey Felix I think he's jealous. You should go talk to him" Seungmin suggested teasingly. Felix looked at him confused.

"Why would he be jealous?" Seungmin rolled his eyes and pushed Felix forward.

"Just go"

"Fine, fine I'm going, geez" Felix threw his hands up in surrender and walked forward to Chris.

"So Minho how was the rest of your day?" Seungmin asked once Felix had made it to Chris.

"It was alright. Pretty uneventful." What about you?" Minho replied

"Oh, oh Minnie got in a fight with some girl today because she was hitting on Hyunjin" Jeongin exclaimed gleefully. Seungmin sighed and put his face in his hands but Minho could see that his ears had gotten red.

"Why would you tell him that?" Seungmin groaned, his voice muffled by his hands. Jeongin just smiled. As if he had sensed Seungmin's distress, Hyunjin walked towards their small group. 

"Whats going on here?" He asked looking amused. "Why are you so red Minnie?" He teased. Seungmin said nothing, just groaned again. Hyunjin let out a joyful laugh and Seungmin lowered his hands to look at him.  
Jeongin fake gagged having watched the whole thing.

"They're gross aren't they?" He leaned over to whisper to Minho.

"I thought they were kind of cute. Are they dating?" Minho asked, moving his eyes back to the couple, who had now begun to have their own conversation.

"Yeah. I thought you knew that." Jeongin stated. Minho just shook his head.

"Oh well then let me explain the relationships. First we have Seungmin and Hyunjin, they have been dating since freshmen year. We also have Chris and Felix. Their relationship is a bit more complicated. Chris moved here in  8th grade and Felix came the year after that, freshman year. They've been inseparable ever since they met. Its not hard to tell that they like each other but Felix is as oblivious as they come. Always insisting that Chris doesn't see him that way. So now we're all subjected to the tension that it causes. One of these days I'm just gonna lock them in a closet together and not let them out until they fix it." Minho laughed at the last statement.

"Well I hope that it all works out." Jeongin didn't reply, just nodding his head in agreement. Without realizing it they had made it to the doors, noticing that everyone was waiting on them. They all made their way inside, discussing what movie to watch.

______________________________________

As Minho stepped out of the theatre he could feel the cool air against his face.

"Oh no, its raining" Felix cried out in fake despair, causing everyone to laugh at his antics. 

"Its okay, I'll save you!" Seungmin exclaimed, grabbing Felix hand and running out into the rain. 

"Hurry Chris, unlock your car we need in." Felix yelled from the parking lot, still running with Seungmin. Chris laughed but obliged anyway.

"It's unlocked." He yelled but his eyes widened comically when they opened the car doors.

"Wait no! Don't get the seats wet, grab the towels! Felix you know where they are." Felix just smiled.

"Dont you dare Felix Lee. I'm warning you" Chris took off running towards his car when Felix just winked at him, while he and Seungmin climbed in the car.

"No! My seats. Felix if you ruin them, you have to pay for them. I'm being serious. Dont laugh at me." Chris tried to open the doors only to realize that he had been locked out from the inside. Chris unlocked the doors only for Felix to lock them as soon as he did.

"Damn it Felix! Unlock the doors" He tried the handle again but it was still locked. Everyone else just watched from the theatre while laughing. Knowing that Felix and Seungmin only did only it to annoy Chris. But they also knew that Chris wasnt actually annoyed because it was Felix and he could never be mad at Felix.

"Hey guys, I should go." Minho said, drawing their attention from the group by the car.

"Awe do you have to?" Jeongin asked. Minho just smiled and nodded his head.

"Okay then it was nice to spend time with you again dude. We'll see you tomorrow. Get home safely" Changbin said while giving Minho a hug. The rest of the group followed, bidding him goodbye. He started walking to his car and waved to Felix, Seungmin, and Chris as he pasted them. They all waved back and Chris turned back around to try and get in his car again. Minho finally made it to his car and once he did he got in and started to pull out. As he was pulling away, he saw Chris finally get in his car with a scowl and laughed quietly to himself.  
This was nice.

______________________________________

Minho wad driving down his street when he saw a figure sitting on the curb. He decided to stop and see if they needed help. Minho slowed his car and pulled slightly to the side of the road. He shut it off while stepping out into the rain. As he walked closer, he recognized the figure as Jisung. He watched as Jisung's head snapped and his eyes widened upon seeing his face. Jisung had bruises on the right side of his face and dried blood coming from his nose. Minho watched as Jisung's eyes widened once he realized who was walking towards him.

"What are you doing here?" Jisung asked coldly. Minho let his eyes run over the other, noting that he was soaked to the bone. 'He must've been here for a while' Minho thought to himself. Minho didn't answer Jisung's question, instead he asked one of his own.

"What happened to you?" Minho asked. He made eye contact with Jisung and held it until the other looked away.

"I asked first" He replied.

"Ill answer if you do" Minho proposed. Jisung just nodded.   
"I was at the movies with Changbin and I's friends. I'm on my way home."

"I got into a situation that wasnt in my favor." Was all Jisung said in return.

"What kind of situation?" Minho asked cautiously.

"What business is it to you?" Minho flinched back at the venom in Jisung's words.

"Right, sorry. Why dont you come with me? I can help you clean up." Minho asked.

"No"

"No?"

"That's what I said wasnt it" Jisung stared at him with blank eyes.

"Come on Jisung dont be stubborn. Let me help you." Minho pleaded.

"The only way I'm getting in that car with you is if I'm forced. So I guess we're done here."

"Very well then"

"Hey wait... Minho! Put me down you asshole. I said no!" Jisung yelled as Minho picked him up bridal style and carried him towards his car. 

"Unless you want me to drop you in this puddle calm your ass down" Jisung stopped struggling at that, not wanting to be even wetter than he already was. Minho opened his car door and set Jisung down in the passenger seat.

"Wait Minho aren't I gonna rui-" Jisung was cut off by Minho shutting the door.

"Asshole" he mumbled. Jisung watched as Minho walked around the car to the drivers side. He opened the door, getting in and starting the car. 

"Where are we going?"

"My house" Minho replied flatly. Jisung decided that he had most likely pissed Minho off and probably shouldnt fight anymore. They sat in silence for about 10 minutes before Jisung broke the silence.

"Can I smoke in here? Ill crack the window open" he asked. Minho looked at him.

"Sure, but on one condition. You have to answer my questions" Minho replied. Jisung didn't answer, just nodded and pulled out a cigarette.

"Okay first question. Why do you smoke so much? It's bad for you." Jisung was silent for a moment, thinking.

"Its a distraction." Jisung paused and Minho looked at him curiously.  
"It helps me feel better. We're all addicted to something that takes the pain away. Some people cut, some take pills, some drink, smoke, there's no limit. You have one too. If I remember correctly it used to be dancing. If things got hard you danced. You didn't even come to me or Changbin, it was straight to the studio. Changbin has one, his is people. If hes upset, he surrounds himself with people to distract him from himself. Mine just happen to be more destructive than yours." Jisung continued once he found his words.

"That actually makes sense. I never thought of dance as a distraction, it was just always something that I did, but now that you said it. When did you get so perceptive?" Minho asked another question.

"Ive always been that way. Its just that no one noticed because I was that happy kid that wasn't supposed to think a lot, so I didn't." That made Minho think. 'How much did Jisung hide?' 'How much does he still hide?'

"Why did you shut everyone out?"

"I was in an accident and lost something very important to me" Jisung answered.

"What kind of accident? An accident like tonight?" 

"No" Minho could tell that Jisung didn't want to talk about this, so he dropped it.

"Hey we're here." He said "Can you walk?"

"Probably" Jisung opened the door and went to step out of the car, but when his left ankle reached the ground, it gave out on him and he felt himself falling. But he never hit the ground. While Jisung was occupied trying to get out of the car, Minho had walked around and was there to catch him. 

"Hey there." Minho said while smiling at Jisung.

"Shut up and put me down" Jisung said and put a hand over Minho's face.

"Not gonna happen Sungie" Minho replied, swinging Jisung up so could carry him again. Jisung was grateful that Minho was distracted so he couldn't see the blush dusting his cheeks at the nickname. They made their way into the house and up the stairs to, what Jisung guessed was Minho's bathroom.

"Take a shower and then we can bandage you up afterwards. Ill go get you some clothes" Minho walked out after starting the warm water. Jisung looked around for a moment before deciding to do as he was told. He struggled out of his clothes and hopped to the tub, sitting inside it. He had just closed the curtain when there was a knock on the bathroom door.

"Hey Sungie, are you in the bath yet?" Minho's voice filtered through the door.

"Yeah" he quietly replied. Minho slowly opened the door.

"I brought you some clothes. I can leave if you want me to, but I can help you get dressed if you need me to" Minho offered.

"You can stay. Just don't ask a lot of questions, okay?"

"I can try, but no promises" Minho replied.

"Good enough." Jisung washed his hair and his body as well as he could. After he was done he had Minho hand him a towel and stepped out of the shower. Minho's eyes widened when he saw Jisung's torso. It was covered with bruises, some fading, but a majority of them looked fresh. It made him sad to see. They looked like they hurt and Minho had his arms on them earlier. He realized that he was probably hurting Jisung earlier without realizing.

'-inho! Minho!" Minho was snapped out of his thought by Jisung calling his name.

"Yeah" He breathed out, still looking at Jisung's torso.

"You said you wouldn't ask remember." Jisung said looking at Minho.

"I know I said that but Jisung the-"

"No! If you're gonna ask then leave now. I only let you stay because you said you wouldn't" Jisung raised his voice, startling Minho.

"Okay. Okay I won't ask. I'm sorry Sung" Minho said, trying to calm Jisung down. Jisung realized that he was shaking and clenched his fists.

"Its whatever. Just help me put the clothes on please. I dont wanna look at them." Jisung's voice sounded fragile, like it would break any moment.

"Okay" Minho helped him into the clothes, careful not to hurt him. Once they were done Minho helped Jisung sit on the edge of the sink, so he could clean him up.

"This might hurt" Minho warned when he poured rubbing alcohol on a wipe, dabing at a cut on Jisung's forehead. Jisung winced but said nothing.

"Hey Jisung? Did you actually get into an accident tonight?" Minho asked softly. He didn't want to upset Jisung again but he felt like Jisung wasnt telling him the truth.

"I dont wanna talk about it Minho. Please." Minho just nodded and continued to clean his wounds.

"Will you sit with my friends and I tomorrow for lunch?" Jisung looked hesitant.

"I usually go to the back of the school. Plus I dont know any of your friends and I'm sure Changbin doesn't want to see me after I shut him out." Jisung denied.

"If you dont sit with us I'm just gonna sit with you anyway. And Changbin actually misses you, ya know. He just doesnt understand why you shut him out." Minho replied, wrapping the last of Jisung's wounds.

"I'll think about i-ouch! That hurts what are you doing" Jisung exclaimed when the older started moving his ankle.

"I dont think its broken just badly sprained" Minho said as an answer. "I have crutches you can use. Will you use them please? If you don't it will only get worse" Minho asked almost pleading. Jisung doesn't know what made him say yes. He knows it wasn't a worry about his own wellbeing, because he honestly didn't really care. Jisung ignored the little voice in his head that told him that he only agreed because it was Minho that asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final word count: 3094  
> Wow. Sorry for any mistakes, in writing this on my phone. I hope you enjoy this. Also I wanted to point out the fact that this takes place in America so that is why I'm calling Chan by his English name, Chris.


	9. 7

(11 years before the present)

The first time Jisung met Changbin was only a couple of weeks after he met Minho. The school year had started and Minho was old enough to attend but Jisung wasnt, so he sat and waited for his best friend to return. 

He was playing with his cars in his front yard when he heard a car come down the street. He snapped his head up at the sound, excited to see if it was Minho. When he saw Minho in the back seat he jumped up and ran to the edge of the road like he did everyday. But when the car stopped and two kids got out instead of one got out, Jisung stopped and watched. He saw the two boys, one being Minho and one that he didn't know, talking and laughing together he felt something in his chest for some reason. He didnt know what the feeling was but he didnt like it, so he ignored it.

Minho turned and saw him standing close to the edge of the road. He waved towards Jisung but frowned when he didn't get anything back.

"Mom can me and Changbin go to Jisung, he looks sad. Please" Minho ran to his mom before she went in the house. She nodded her head and watched as they ran across the street, making sure that they were okay before she turned and walked inside the house.

"Hey Jisung. How was your day? Mine was great. School is so fun and I made new friends." Minho said excitedly once they got close enough for Jisung to hear him. Jisung looked down and nodded. That feeling was still there and he didn't like it.

"This is Changbin. Hes my new friend I made. Changbin this is Jisung my first friend. Hes younger than us." Minho introduced, excited that his friends could finally meet.

"N-nice to m-meet you Jisung" Changbin timidly said. He didnt like meeting new people. Jisung carefully raised his hand and waved, not wanting to talk to this stranger. 

"Do you wanna play with us Jisung? Changbin is gonna sleep at my house. That's cool right, ive never had some one sleep at my house before." Minho started talking excitedly. Jisung slowly nodded. He didn't want to play with this kid, he was gonna take Minho from him. 

They all sat down in Jisung's yard and started playing with his cars. Jisung didn't want to share but he knew that his mom would be angry if he didn't, so he reluctantly gave Changbin a red car. He smiled slightly when he saw Changbin's face light up at the car.

"Wow this car is so cool. Red is my favorite color." Changbin exclaimed. Jisung just nodded and continued playing. They played for a few hours before the boys had to go back to Minho's house.

"Boys time to come home. Its dinner and your bedtime is soon." Minho's mother yelled from across the street.

"Sorry Jisung we have to go. But it's okay ill play with you tomorrow, okay?" Jisung nodded and hugged Minho. He watched them walk to Minho's house with the same strange feeling in his chest. He shook his head to get rid of it. He was happy. He wasn't supposed to feel that way, so he wouldn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is shorter than the other one, so sorry about that. But this is another pre-story chapter. I hope you enjoy it. Sorry for any mistakes feel free to point them out and I will fix them.


	10. 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Trigger warning! Make sure you read! This chapter has depictions of self-harm/depression. If you are negatively effected please don't read the first half)

Jisung stepped out of Minho's car. He had Minho park it a couple blocks away from his house, not that Minho knew that. He turned on the crutches and waved goodbye to Minho as he drove off. As soon as Jisung could no longer see him, he took the crutches out from under his arms, put his shoe back on and slowly limped towards his house. Once he had made it there he slowly opened the door, peeking inside the house. He gave a sigh of relieve when he saw his father passed out on the couch. 

He fully walked into house, picking up his backpack, and made his way upstairs to his room. He opened the door and set the crutches on the floor next to his closet. He discarded his backpack next to his bed. After all that was done he sat down on his bed, laying down after a few moments. Thats how he spent most of his night, laying on his bed staring at the ceiling. He thought about a lot that night. He thought about Minho, the night he had, his past, and even at some point his mother. He didn't think of her a lot. It hurt him to think of her now but he just couldn't help it, once he started he just couldn't stop. He realized at some point that he had started crying but make no move to wipe the tears.

He moved from his position curled in a ball and sat up, looking towards his bathroom. He slowly got up and walked towards the place that held so many of his secrets. He was still crying. He flipped on the light and looked at himself. He was a mess, unruly hair, bloodshot eyes, and a bruised face. He could hear the voice in his head whispering things. 

'Ugly'

'Worthless'

'Murder'

'You should just die, no one would miss you'

'Do everyone a favor. Stop making your dad's life harder'

They didnt really hurt anymore. They were all things that he thought himself. So why did they effect him as much as they did tonight? He looked away from the mirror and towards his cabinet. He took small steps towards it and opened it. There were countless bottles in it, pain killers and allergy medicine, anti-depressants from when his mom took him to the doctor, and lastly his only other destructive distraction. The longer he stared at the shiny metal, the more he wanted to use it again. He hasn't for a few months, ever since his dad had found out. The beating that night had been the worst, he didnt go to school the day after because he couldn't walk. But now he didnt even care about his dad he just wanted a distraction.

He slowly grabbed the tiny piece of metal and stared at it. He moved it around between his fingers, getting used to the feeling again. He brought it closer to his wrist. It could be over so quickly, just one good wound and it could all be over. The metal touched his skin and then a face came into his mind. Minho had said he was gonna find him tomorrow. What would he do if Jisung wasn't even there? He reluctantly removed the metal from his wrist, deciding that his hips would be a better place. Why was Minho effecting him the way he was. Jisung was supposed to hate him. Tonight wasn't supposed to change anything. The longer he thought about it, the more Jisung became angry with himself. 

______________________________________

Jisung trudged into the school building with a scowl on his face. He was still sore from yesterday, from both his dad and himself, he had also woken up with a headache and was not in the mood for anyones shit. That was when Minho approached him in the hall with a smile, Jisung did nothing but limp straight past him and to the roof. Minho stared after him in confusion, wondering why he wasn't using the crutches. He had thought that they were making progress, that yesterday had meant something. His chest felt tight and he kind of wanted to cry. Minho jumped slightly when he felt a hand fall on his shoulder.

"Hey dude, are you okay?" Changbin asked sounding concerned. Minho shook his head to say that he was fine. Changbin looked sceptical but let the subject drop.

"So Felix is planning a party at his house. Do you wanna come?" Changbin asked, changing the subject.

"I dont know, I dont really do parties." Minho sounded hesitant.

"Don't worry it'll be small, probably just our group and a few of Felix's other friends."

"Ill think about it. Can I bring someone if I do" Minho asked. Changbin nodded and Minho immediately thought of ways to convince Jisung to come.

"Cool" Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of the bell ringing. 

"Ill see you at lunch. right?" Changbin asked.

"Probably. I might be a little late though. Ive got to talk to someone." Changbin nodded and threw Minho and okay sign as he walked in the opposite direction. Minho turned and made his way to his own classroom. Sliding into his seat, he looked around the room for Jisung. He saw him sitting next to the window with his earbuds in. Minho turned back around in his seat as the teacher walked in and started talking.

______________________________________

The bell to signal the end of fourth period rang, startling Minho. He hurriedly packed his things and made his way out of the room. He tried to remember where the door that Jisung goes out of was because based on this morning he wasn't gonna sit with Minho and his friends. His walking sped up slightly as he caught sight of it. He pushed it open and walked closer to the figure that he knew was Jisung. He was sitting with another cigarette between his lips. Minho sat next to him on the ground and turned his head to observe Jisung.

"Hey" Minho said quietly not wanting to disturb the silence around them.

"Hey" Jisung's voice sounded kind of raspy and Minho wondered why. They fell into another silence. That was until Jisung started talking again.

"Why are you out here and not with your friends?"

"I told you last night that if you didnt sit with us that I was gonna sit with you anyways" Minho answered. Jisung hummed in response.

"Can we talk?" Minho asked again

"Sure, Ill start. Why are you trying so hard with me?" Minho was kind is shocked by Jisung's question.

"Because I care about you and want to be in your life again." Jisung shook his head while chuckling bitterly.

"If you cared why did you leave and not tell us? You didn't tell us you were leaving? We had to find out when we went to your house only to find everything gone. Do you know how much that hurt? Even worse than that, after you left you didn't even have the decency to text us back or answer any of our calls." Jisung ranted, getting more worked up the longer he talked.

"You eventually stopped trying though didnt you" Minho said but knew it was a mistake immediately when he saw Jisung's jaw clench.

"I stopped trying because you stopped caring. Changbin stopped trying because he couldnt even look at his phone with out crying. God Minho Lee you are such an asshole."  
Jisung was standing up at this point, yelling in Minho's face. His words hurt yes but Minho knew he deserved them. Changbin hadn't said anything and Minho needed to hear this. Minho realized that Jisung needed to let out his anger before they could make any progress. He stood up to be face to face with Jisung so that they were on even ground.

"Let it all out. Okay Jisung, tell me how much of an asshole I am, please. I need to hear this. Changbin wouldnt say anything but apparently you have enough balls to do it, so tell me everything" Minho knew that yelling back wouldnt help but he couldnt stop himself. He knew he deserved it but that doesnt mean he had to like it.

"You want everything then fine, ill tell you everything. I want to hate you for what you did to us. I want to hate you for leaving, for breaking Changbin, for making me feel stupid. I was in fucking love with you Minho Lee but it didn't ever matter because you left anyway. I want to hate you but I can't."

"Ji-"

"No Minho shut up you wanted everything, so now you're gonna shut up and listen to me. Yes I was sad when I realized that you left but the thing that ruined my life happen months after that. You meant a lot to me but I was 13 you didn't mean that much, dont put yourself on a high pedestal. The thing that wrecked me was my mothers death. That's right Minho my mom is dead. You would have known if you had actually answered me ya know. After you stopped talking to us, I used to sit and reread our old text messages, I used to smile because of them but then I would cry because my best friend, my first love cast me to the side like a piece of fucking trash. I was in the car with my mom and we were driving to the store for groceries. We really shouldn't have went that day, it was storming, we could hardly see the road. Do you remember that my mom was pregnant? Well yeah she was 7 months, so close but a fucking big truck driver didn't seem to care. He was in our lane and my mom was looking at me to talk, so I grabbed the wheel to try and turn us away from the truck. But fuck we turned too far and went off the road, there was a drop off and we rolled down it. I was the only survivor. Damn it! I'm not supposed to cry. Damn it, damn it, damn it" Jisung kept repeating that while hitting himself in the leg with his fist.

"Hey stop that" Minho reached out a hand to try and catch Jisung's fist but he flinched back.

"Dont Fucking Touch Me!" Jisung yelled jerking out of reach.

"Sungie calm down please." Minho felt bad for starting this. But at least he knew what happened now. He kind of wished that he didn't.

"Dont tell me what to do! I have more to say so shut up, I'm not done. Did you know that I had depression before you left?" Jisung paused waiting for an answer. Minho shook his head, he really didnt know. "I didnt think so. No one did, only my mom. Changbin doesnt know, my dad eventually found out and now you too. Its genetic, it runs in my family. My mom had it to you know, she used to help a lot. But now she's not here and I fell down some very dark tunnels. Now most nights its mostly me laying in bed and trying to fall asleep before I fall apart because that never brings anything good. That is if I even get as far as my room, sometimes I dont even make it up the stairs. I know most of the time I pretend like everything is fine, but I'm fighting. Depression is an everyday fight and nothing in my life feels right anymore. Everything just contributes to it to make it worse. I fucking hate myself. I killed my own mother and sister. I'm a fucking murderer Minho." When Jisung finished he had tears running down his face and was heaving for breath.

"I'm a murderer Minho. I don't deserve to be alive while they are dead." Jisung whispered. His voice was even more raspy from yelling now.

"No Ji, you do deserve to live. Your mom wouldnt want you to blame yourself. I know I wasn't there for the last few months but I knew your mom most of my life. Does your dad know that you feel that way?" At the mention of his dad Jisung tensed and Minho noticed this.

"He doesn't fucking care" Minho didn't say anything after that only opened his arms for Jisung to fall into. And he did, he fell into Minho's arms and cried more than he had for the last 3 years. He let everything out in that moment and he didnt quite know if he regretted it yet.

______________________________________

"Hey Jisung?" Minho asked quietly, still stroking Jisung's hair softly. They had decided to sit and skip the rest of the day after their fight.

"Yeah"

"Can I ask you a question? You dont have to answer if you dont want to." Jisung hummed in thought.

"Sure. I mean you pretty much know everything anyway" except the most important thing, but Jisung left that part in his head.

"You mentioned depression earlier but never really described it. What does depression feel like?" Jisung sat up and looked at Minho, tilting his head in thought.

"Hmm... That's a hard one because I feel like its different for everyone. For me its like I'm drowning but I can see everyone around me still breathing but I also feel like everyone with depression feels like that at one point. That's the only way I can think to describe it really" Minho nodded at the answer. He understood or at least as much as he could without actually experiencing it.

"Will you let me help you?" This time Jisung hesitated to answer.

"Maybe..."

"Maybe?" Jisung nodded but didn't elaborate any farther.

"You're gonna sit with me and my friends tomorrow. Even if I have to drag you there myself." Jisung was ready to argue but for some reason the look on Minho's face stopped him. 

"Okay" Minho looked surprised that Jisung didnt fight him but went with it anyway.

______________________________________

That night, true to his word, Jisung didn't even make it up the stairs. He layed wherever his father decided to leave him and stayed there, not even moving to adjust his body. He didnt know if he could even if he wanted to. He almost didn't want to accept the fact that the beatings had been getting worse these last couple of days. His father was finally losing the rest of his sanity. Where he used to feel relieve at the thought he now felt dread in the mix of emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how I feel about this chapter. If you see any mistakes feel free to point them out and I will fix them. Remember comments are always welcome.


	11. 5

Minho decided to meet Jisung before school the next day.

"Jisung!" Minho called his name, watching as said boy snapped his head up. His watched as Jisung's eyes moved around searching for the voice before they met his. Jisung smiled slightly and made his way over to Minho.

"Hey" he greeted once they were close enough.

"How was your morning?" Minho askdd as they made their way towards the doors of the school.

"Good" Jisung said while nodding. Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of the bell.

"We have first period together, right?" Jisung nodded and hummed in answer. Minho grabbed his hand started walking toward their class.

"Lets go then. We dont want you to get detention, now would we?" Jisung just hummed again, following behind Minho and trying to will the blush away.

______________________________________

The bell to signal the end of fourth period rang causing the classroom to erupt into chaos, kids trying to pack up and leave to lunch as fast as they could. But not Jisung. He was dreading sitting with Minho's friends, he was almost ready to beg Minho to let them sit behind the school again. Jisung was startled from his thoughts by a hand waving infront of his face. 

"Hey, are you ready to go?" Jisung didn't know how he missed Minho walking into his classroom. He didn't answer only nodded in agreement, clenching his hands into fists. As they walked down the hall Minho noticed how nervous Jisung was and gentley grabbed one of his clenched fists, unravelling it and lacing their fingers together.

"Hey you'll be okay. I'm sure they'll love you and you dont have to talk if you dont want to" Minho tried to comfort Jisung while squeezing his hand in his. Jisung shakily nodded his head, feeling slightly better at the reassurance. He looked up when the chatter from the cafeteria became louder. They walked through the doors and Jisung let Minho guide him through the tables. As they approached the table filled with 6 boys, the talk quieted down until everyone at the table was looking at Minho and Jisung. 

All the attention made Jisung feel uncomfortable causing him to shift slightly on his feet. Minho noticed this and squeezed his hand again. Jisung looked up and made eye contact with Changbin causing the older's eyes to widen. Suddenly a bright smile broke out across his face and he shot from his seat to embrace Jisung.

"Dude I can't believe that you're here. I missed you so much." Jisung tensed at the touch but eventually relaxed into the familiar touch of his best friend. He wrapped his arms around Changbin and squeezed, trying to convey all of his emotions. He wasnt good with words, this would have to do for now.

"Um...can someone please explain to us what is going on and who that is?" A voice broke the silence, Minho looked over and recognized Seungmin as the one who spoke.

"Guys, this is Jisung. Changbin and I's childhood friend." Minho said with a smile, looking over at Jisung and Changbin. They were no longer hugging but still stood close to each other.

"Nice to meet you Jisung, I'm Felix" Felix introduced himself and smiled towards Jisung. 

"Hello" Jisung's voice seemed to echo in the silence that surrounded the table. Felix elbowed Chris to get him to talk, causing Minho to laugh quietly to himself.

"Ow! What was that for?" Chris exclaimed feeling an elbow between his ribs. He towards Felix who just moved his head towards Jisung looking between the two boys.

"Oh. Hello there I'm Chris or Chan, you can call me either." Chris said, finally understanding what Felix was saying. Eventually the rest followed as well and Jisung sat at the table between Minho and Changbin. Minho looked around and smiled when he saw Jisung laugh at something Jeongin said. This was nice.

______________________________________

"And Minnie was just like, you better back the fuck up before I punch you into next week, it was so cool. You should have seen it" Jeongin finished recounting the story of Seungmin fighting the girl that was hitting on Hyunjin, causing Jisung to laugh. 

"Really?! Are you ever gonna let that go?" Seungmin groaned, once again covering his face with his hands. Hyunjin sat next to him with a slight blush dusting cheek but he was smiling anyway.

"Of course not, what are brothers for?" Jeongin said like it was obvious. Seungmin just shook his head in exasperation, lacing his hand with Hyunjin's. Jeongin looked at Minho and fake gagged causing the older to laugh. Jisung turned his head when he heard Minho laugh, smiling softly at the sight. Minho's head was thrown back as he laughed. 

"So Jisung, I have a question?" Felix broke Jisung from his observing with his question. Jisung just looked at Felix, waiting for him to continue talking.

"Chris and I are having a party at my house in a few days. Do you want to come?" Felix asked. Jisung immediately wanted to say no. His father would be so mad. If Jisung went he might as well shoot himself in the head and save his father the trouble.

"You dont have to but the invitation is there. We'll all be there." Felix continued when Jisung didn't answer. Jisung watched him, Felix seemed nervous for some reason. He looked over to Minho as if to ask a silent question. 

"Sure" 

"Really! Thats great!" Felix smiled brightly. Jisung didnt know whether he regretted his answer or not, but something in Minho's eyes had compelled him to say yes. Jisung didn't say anything, just smiled slightly at Felix's excitement, watching as he turned to start talking to Chris. He was startled when he felt a hand slide into his but when he realized that it was just Minho's he relaxed. He felt a subtle squeeze and looked up at to meet his eyes. Minho was smiling at him softly, running his eyes over Jisung's face causing the younger to blush lightly. Jisung smiled back and watched as Minho turned to take part in the conversation. Jisung thought he wouldnt mind if everything stayed just like this, it was nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if me repeating that line is annoying but it has meaning I promise. This was a really sweet chapter. And I hope that you enjoy all the happiness.
> 
> If you only knew what I had planned. Mwhahahaha. Anyways remember that comments are always appreciated and I hope you enjoyed this chapter.


	12. 4

(3 years before present)

"Hey Minho?" Jisung asked, looking up from his phone

"Yeah"

"I have to go home now but ill see you tomorrow, right?" Jisung stood up from his spot on Minho's floor. "We still have to take Changbin to that park we found, remember?" 

"Yeah...tomorrow" Minho answered slowly, looking up to where Jisung was putting his shoes back on.

"Okay then its a plan. Ill see you tomorrow." Jisung nodded as he was speaking, almost like he was reminding himself instead of Minho.  
He smiled and looked over to his friend that was laying on his bed and opened his arms.

"Come on Minho. Give me a hug. Please." Jisung asked with a pout on his lips.

"No" Minho replied in a monotone voice.

"Why not? You know youre gonna miss me before we see each other tomorrow." Jisung whined. He just wanted a hug from his crush, was that to much to ask.

"Because we are teenagers and teenage boys don't hug each other." Minho replied still not looking up at Jisung. The latter just pouted more, looking at the boy he had fallen in love with.

"Pleeeeeease." Jisung whined again, this time drawing out the e sound. Minho looked up and saw Jisung's pout, causing him to roll his eyes.

"Fine" Minho sighed while standing up from his bed, walking over to Jisung and wrapping his arms around him. Truthfully Minho was glad that Jisung wanted to hug him because after tonight Minho wouldn't be here to hug. Minho would miss this even if he pretended to hate it most of the time.

"Goodnight Minho!" Jisung yelled as he ran down the stairs and walked out the door, heading to his own house. Minho stood in his bedroom doorway for a bit and smiled sadly.

"Are you sure you don't wanna tell him before we leave?" Minho was startled out of his thoughts by his mother's soft voice. She sounded sad too.

"Yeah, I'm sure." Minho whispered in reply, causing his mother to sigh and walk away.

______________________________________

"Hey Minho!" Jisung exclaimed while walking across the street towards said boy's house. Changbin just followed quietly as it was 9 in the morning.

"Hey Minho, open the door." Jisung said while knocking. They sat and waited for an answer that would never come. 

"Maybe hes still sleeping Jisung. I mean his parents car isnt here, maybe they didnt wake him up." Changbin said quietly from behind Jisung.

"Nonsense. He's always awake, you know that." Jisung replied, reaching for the door knob. He turned it and was satisfied to hear a click, signaling that the door was open. He pushed the door open and ran up the stairs, not noticing the empty living room. Changbin decided to wait outside for the pair to come out. 

"Minho!" Jisung yelled as he pushed open the bedroom door, only to find it empty. He frowned and turned around, making his way back down the stairs. On his way back down he did notice the empty living room. The entire house was empty, devoid of any life.

"Changbin..." Jisung spoke with a shaky voice. Changbin looked up to find Jisung with tear tracks on his cheeks and stood to comfort the boy.

"H-he's g-gone."

"What who's gone?" Changing asked.

"Minho!" Jisung yelled suddenly, causing Changbin to flinch back.

"What do you mean hes gone? Jisung youre not making any sense." Changbin spoke quietly, trying to make his way closer to the boy. 

"Hes not th-there any m-more. Th-the house i-is empty and he's g-gone" Jisung fell to his knees in front of the house of the boy that he loved and cried. Changbin didnt know what to do and just sat and held him, hoping that everything was fake and that Minho would be at school on Monday.

He wasn't. He wasnt there on Monday or any day for the next three years and Jisung didn't know what to do with himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is 666 words in this chapter and if that doesnt accurately decribe the last few chapters then I dont know what would. Anyways I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Have a nice day and remember that comments are always welcome. Bye!


	13. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ⚠ warning⚠  
> There is mild sexual content in this chapter. If you are uncomfortable or dont want to read it then skip the last half of the chapter I will put a sign where it starts.
> 
> Without farther delay. I hope you enjoy this chapter)

Jisung walked up to Felix's door and knocked, waiting for someone to let him in. He could hear music playing from inside the house and started to lightly bob his head. Minho had said that it wasn't supposed to be a very big party, just his group and a few of Felix's other friends. Jisung was snapped out of his thoughts by the door opening, revealing a blonde haired boy. Jisung ran his eyes over his figure. He came to the conclusion that this was one of Felix's friends and that he was probably older than him.

"Oh hello. My name is Woojin, what's yours?" The blonde haired boy, Woojin, asked politely.

"Jisung"

"So you're Jisung," Jisung just nodded his head in confusion, wondering how this guy knew who he was." Oh I'm sorry Minho just talks about you and I didnt know who you were." 

"Okay" With that Woojin stepped away from the door and let Jisung step into the house. He continued walking towards what Jisung assumed to be the living room.

"Minho, Jisung is here!" Woojin yelled as they approached the room. Minho met them at the doorway and embraced Jisung.

"Hey. I'm glad that you got here okay." Minho whispered, hugging Jisung tight and nuzzling his head into the crook of his neck.

"Me too" Jisung had almost gotten caught by his father while he was walking out of the house. He let out the breath that he was holding once Minho squeezed him and let go, taking a step back. When Jisung looked up at him, Minho was smiling at him and Jisung felt his chest tighten but not in a bad way. Jisung felt like he wouldnt mind feeling it again.

"Hey. Are you guys coming?" Felix startled them, causing them to jump farther apart. When they looked over at him, he was smirking knowingly.

"Y-yeah we're coming" Minho stuttered and pushed past Felix to get into the room. Jisung started towards the room but was stopped by Felix's hand on his arm. Jisung looked over at him in confusion.

"So Minho, huh?" Felix said with a teasing smirk. Jisung sighed and shook his head.

"No it's not like that. Can we not talk about it?" Jisung begged. Felix put his hands up in a surrendering motion and nodded, still smiling.

"Yeah, yeah. That's not even what I wanted to talk to you about anyways." Felix waited for Jisung to nod before he continued." I know that it was supposed to be a small party and it still kind of is but I invited my friends and then they invited their friends and it went from there. I'm just gonna warn you that there are quite a few people in there because you dont seem to like people very much." Jisung let out the breath that he was holding once Felix finished. 

"Yeah that's fine." Felix nodded and turn to walk into the living room, Jisung followed him slowly. Felix pushed open the door and Jisung felt his breath catch in his throat. There were more than a few people, he counted around 30 but he couldn't be sure.

"Hey guys, come sit we're gonna play some games before things get intense" A boy with brown hair gestured them over. Everyone was sitting in what was supposed to be a circle but was more of an oval than anything. Minho waved Jisung over. Jisung nodded and walked over to where Minho was sitting on one of the couches, dropping himself into the spot next to him. 

"So what do you guys want to play first?" The same boy from earlier, Woojin, asked once everyone was sitting. Jisung looked around the room, observing the people around him and trying to ignore the way Minho had casually swung his arm over his shoulders. His eyes found Felix sitting next to Chris and their eyes met. Jisung saw a teasing smirk appear on his face and looked away, willing the blush to leave.

"How about truth or dare?" Felix finally spoke.'Oh no, this isn't gonna end well' Jisung thought dreadfully. He already regretted coming and nothing has even happened yet. Everyone nodded their heads in agreement and Chris went to go find a bottle. 

______________________________________

"Chris, its your turn to spin." The group had been playing for about half an hour now and Jisung was almost asleep, leaning against Minho. Neither of them had been called in a while and nothing interesting was happening at the moment. Jisung had just closed his eyes when Chris said Felix's name, causing him to open them again. He wanted to know what Chris had up his sleeve, Seungmin had told him earlier that he was planning something.

"Felix, truth or dare?" Chris spoke, smiling mischievously. Felix looked at him exasperatedly, he had been called many times tonight and he just wanted to sit and watch.

"Truth" He answered with a huff.

"Do you want to kiss me?" Felix choked on air and his face became red. Jisung was silently cheering from the sidelines, glad that Chris was finally doing something about the tension.

"Dare" Felix gasped after he finished coughing.

"I dare you to kiss me" Chris was still smiling but now it was more of a smirk. He made eye contact with Felix, causing the boy's face to redden even more.

"Never have I ever-" The boy squeaked out.

"Thats not the game Felix" Chris sang teasingly. Felix sighed and stood up.

"Fine" He huffed and grabbed Chris by the shirt, dragging him out of the room, ignoring the cat-calls that followed them.

"Okay next" Changbin turned to the group after the couple were no longer in the room. Changbin spun the bottle and waited for it to stop.

"Minho, truth or dare?" Changbin asked, looking at the pair sitting on the couch

"Dare"

"I dare you to have a shots competition with Jisung" At the mention of his name Jisung opened his eyes again. Once his brain processed what was said his eyes widened.

"I don't like alcohol" Jisung stated trying to get out of the situation. He's not lying, alcohol turned his father into the monster that he is now.

"Awe come on Jisung. Why not?" Seungmin whined. 

"I just dont like to drink, that's all." Jisung mumbled, not wanting to say the real reason. Minho could feel him shaking and grabbed his hand, squeezing comfortingly. 

"You dont have to do this if you dont want to" Minho whispered in his ear. Jisung nodded, feeling relieved that Minho wouldn't be mad if he didn't.  
The silence was broken by Chris and Felix finally walking back into the room, both looking noticeably disheveled. People were opening their mouths, ready to tease them but were silenced by Felix's glare.

"Say one word and I'll kill you" Everyone closed their mouths and looked back to where Minho and Jisung were, only to find the spot empty.

______________________________________

Jisung was thankful for the distraction and for Minho dragging him out the front door. They were luckily sitting next to it and only had to go through one doorway to get there.

"Are you okay?" Minho asked quietly, startling Jisung from his thoughts. He nodded and let out a sigh.

"Yeah, it's just a sore subject" Minho nodded.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" Jisung shook his head, causing Minho to sigh. "Why dont you ever talk to me?" Minho sounded exasperated.

"Because I dont need to"

"But you do Jisung. You need to tell someone what is going on! It doesnt have to be me, just someone. Please. You have more bruise than skin and your constantly wincing and I'm fucking worried. Please tell me whats going on. Please." Minho pleaded, looking close to tears. Jisung looked at his face and sighed. 'Might as well, what's the worst that could happen' Jisung thought to himself.

"Okay"

"Why won- wait what?"

"Okay" Jisung repeated, looking at Minho. 

"Okay? Okay, lets sit then" Minho suggested. Jisung nodded and they sat on the step. Jisung let out a sigh and tried to prepare himself to say everything. Minho slipped his hand into Jisung's and squeezed.

"Where do I start?"

"From the beginning I guess" Jisung nodded and let out a shaky breath.

"Okay, the beginning. Well I guess the beginning would be the wreck. I told you I was the only survivor and that was the truth but the really bad starts after that. I was in the hospital for a few weeks, maybe a month, I can't remember. After I was released my father came to pick me up but he wasnt the same and I could tell from the beginning that he wasn't. He hadnt come to see me in the hospital even once. We walked out to the car and drove home without saying anything to each other. The violence started when we got home. I had tried to talk to him. He turned around and smacked me for speaking. He said that I was a mistake, that I should've been the one dead, not my mom. I agree but it still hurt. He was so far in his grief that he didn't even see me as his son anymore, only a murderer. He started drinking and I guess the smack had made him feel good because because he started doing it more. It escalated more and soon it was full on beatings." Jisung paused to take a breath, willing the tears to leave.

"Hey its okay to cry" Minho comforted. He had tears in his eyes too. His best friend had been through so much and was still here. He was surprised to find that the word best friend didn't feel right anymore but decided that this wasnt the time.

Jisung let the tears run down his face and took a breath to continue.

"At the beginning I used to cry and beg him to stop but I quickly realized that it only made everything worse. He didn't care that I was hurting, he only saw me as a burden, an annoyance. I learned to stay silent and take it, how to sort of detach myself from my body. Over time they got worse. He said that I was older now, that I was a man and should be able to take my punishment. That I should be greatful that he was doing me this favor. God I hate him so much. But at the same time I can't. I hate the fact that I can't hate him for what he did. Hes still my dad and I still love him, he used to be a good guy and its my fault that he's this way. But I just dont understand why can't I hate him Minho?" Jisung asked falling into said boys arms. He was still crying and didnt think he was going to stop soon.

"I don't know Sung, I dont know" Minho spoke quietly, running his hand between Jisung's shoulder blades.  
______________________________________

"Hey Sung?" Minho asked quietly.

"Yeah"

"Promise me that you won't go back to that house. Please." Minho asked again. Jisung could hear the little bit of desperation in his voice.

"I have no where else to go Minho" Jisung felt bad that he couldn't make this promise to Minho but he was only telling the truth.

"You can live with me. You know my parents love you. Or if you dont wanna live with me I'm sure Changbin would help along with everyone else in the group. Just please dont go back there." Minho begged.

"Okay. I promise I wont go back" Jisung layed his head on Minho's shoulder and squeezed his hand. Minho said nothing and just squeezed back. They sat like that for a few moments, just relishing the silence together.

"Hey Jisung?" Minho whispered.

"Yeah" Jisung whispered in return.

"I think I love you" Minho confessed. Jisung was silent for a few moments, causing the cold feeling of rejection to clutch at Minho's chest.

"I think I love you too" Jisung answered and Minho felt relief wash through his body. Jisung looked at Minho's face and smiled.

"You're beautiful" he said, causing a red hue to dust across Minho's cheeks. 

"Not as beautiful as you" Jisung looked up again, finding that Minho was a lot closer than he was before and felt his breath hitch while he inched closer. Their lips could now brush together and try could feel each others breaths. Just before they could close the gap between them, they were startled apart but the sound of the music getting louder. 

"They must have gotten tired of waiting for us" Minho laughed breathlessly.

"Yeah" Jisung agreed, hoping that he didn't look as flushed as he felt.

"Their probably dancing now. Do you wanna dance with me?" Minho asked while standing up, extending his hand to help Jisung.

"Yeah, I would like that" Jisung grabbed his hand and they made their way back inside the house. They walked into the room and found that Minho's assumption had been correct. They had turned the lights off, only leaving a few colored lights to see, and had turned the music up loud. Everybody now had a drink in their hands and were dancing or trying to dance.

The pair walked farther into the room, trying to find their friends. They found them standing in a corner, bobbing to the music, and made their way to them.

"Hey guys!" Minho yelled over the sound of the music.

"Hey. Where did you guys go?" Seungmin yelled back, looking between the two of them.

"Jisung needed to take a breather." Seungmin nodded and looked at Jisung.

"Hey dude we're sorry if we made you uncomfortable earlier. We didn't mean anything by it." Seungmin apologized. Jisung just waved it off and showed an okay sign, not wanting to yell over the music.

"Where's Chris and Felix at?" Minho asked, looking around their group and not finding them.

"We dont know. They disappeared after everyone started dancing." Changbin was the one that answered this time. Minho just nodded, knowing that everyone probably knew what they were doing and was glad for it. Maybe now there wouldn't be so much tension.

"Hey you wanna dance?" Minho leaned in to whisper to Jisung. He just nodded and pulled Minho's sleeve, leading them to the center of the room. When they arrived, Jisung turned and snaked his arms around Minho's neck while Minho rested his hands on Jisung's hips. They stayed still for a moment, just looking at each other before Minho started to sway his hips and Jisung just copied him. 

They swayed for a bit until the song changed and Minho tightened his grip on Jisung's hips, pulling him closer so that they were chest to chest. Their faces where inches apart and Minho could feel Jisung's ragged breaths across his lips. He inched closer again and could feel Jisung tense slightly. Surprisingly Jisung was the one that closed the gap this time, pushing his lips to Minho's with a strength that he didnt know he had. Everything around them seemed to fade until the only thing that they could focus on was each other. They moved their lips in time with the beat and stayed there, relishing each others presence.

When they eventually broke apart they were both panting, looking into each others eyes.

"Its too hot in here" Jisung gasped out, still out of breath. Minho nodded and lead them out of the room and into one of the connecting hallways. Jisung leaned against one of the walls and let out a breath that he didnt realize that he was holding. He looked up from his feet and made eye contact with Minho. When their eyes met, Jisung felt his breath hitch. Minho held many emotions in his eyes at that moment, few of which Jisung could name. Once Jisung caught his breath he stood straight and walked closer to Minho.

"What was that?" He asked timidly.

"I dont really know but I know that I wanna do it again." Minho breathed out, running his eyes over Jisung's face.

⚠⚠⚠⚠⚠

"Y-yeah lets do that again" Jisung replied, nodding his head. With that Minho moved forward to press their lips together in a heated kiss. Jisung felt as Minho's hands began to move around his body, sliding lower, leaving his waist and moving to his hips, finally stopping to grip his thighs. He was so lost in Minho's touch that he didnt even realize that he had been lifted off his feet until he felt the hard surface of the wall against his back. He realized that he was trapped between Minho's body and the wall, his legs on either side of Minho's waist as he stood between Jisung's legs. Jisung wrapped his legs tighter around Minho's waist as he snaked his arms around his neck, pulling him even closer. They broke apart for air and Jisung could feel himself flush as he looked into Minho's eyes that still held so much emotion.

"Minho-" Jisung started to whisper but he was cut off when the other boy pushed their lips together. Jisung felt his eyes fall shut as he got lost in the kiss. This was different than the one they had shared earlier. This one was less innocent and more passionate. This kiss was one that took Jisung's breath away. He curled his fingers into Minho's hair, trying to pull them even closer as Minho tilted his head, deepening the kiss. Jisung felt the gentle brush of Minho's tongue against his lips and let a small hum, parting them. Their teeth clashed as they fought before Jisung gave up, tugging on Minho's hair. In that time Minho's hands had found their way back to Jisung's waist, slipping beneath his shirt.

Jisung broke away to catch his breath. He panted as he let his head rest back against the wall. His face was flushed, his lips were swollen and slightly red while his hair stuck up everywhere. Minho groaned as he looked at Jisung's appearance, he was beautiful. At that moment Jisung slowly opened his eyes and glanced at Minho quickly before they were shut again. Minho let out a breath and moved his head down to press open mouthed kisses against Jisung's jaw, moving down his neck. Jisung couldnt help but let out a faint moan, tightening his grip on Minho's hair. His eyes fell shut again as his head fell to the side, giving Minho more room. Jisung felt himself being moved from the wall and opened his eyes once again. Minho walked closer to the door across the hall, fumbling to open it. 

Once the door was open, Minho layed them down on the bed and returned to leaving kisses down Jisung's neck, moving to his shoulder. He felt Jisung tug on the bottom of his shirt and leaned up to slip it off, letting Jisung's eyes run over his torso. Minho tried to catch his breath as he felt Jisung move his hands from his shoulders, running them down his arms to intertwine their fingers. They stayed there for a moment, admiring each other. Minho slowly unlaced their fingers and moved his hands to the bottom of Jisung's shirt, pulling it up and helping the boy out of it. Minho felt sadness as he saw the discoloring on Jisung's torso and leaned down to kiss them. He trailed kisses from where the bruises started on Jisung's chest, down to where they disappeared underneath his waistband.

"I love you" He breathed as he raised his head, looking into Jisung's eyes.

"I love you too" Jisung whispered with tears in his eyes. Minho raised himself so that he was eye level with Jisung and kissed him softly. The lustful movements from earlier were replaced with soft loving touches. Minho slowly moved his hands back down Jisung's body, cherishing every inch of skin.

"Have you ever done this?" Minho asked quietly. Jisung looked at him, shaking his head slowly.

"Have you?" He asked in return.

"No, but its okay we can learn together." With that Minho leaned down and kissed Jisung again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow that was a rollercoaster.  
> Any way I hope that you enjoyed that. I hope I did okay writing this because ive never written anything like this.  
> I think that this book is almost over and it only has a couple of chapters left. I hope that you have a nice day and remember comments are always welcome. Bye!


	14. 2

"Daddy! Daddy!" A 5-year-old Jisung exclaimed, running towards his father.

"Can we go to the park until Minho gets home?" He begged, tugging on his father's sleeve. Seungwoo had just gotten home from work and was feeling tired as he had been working alot lately but seeing his son made his day better every time.

"Sure Sung, just let me change my clothes real quick, okay?" Seungwoo persuaded. Jisung nodded and went to sit on the couch to wait for his father to come back. After changing, Seungwoo walked back down the stairs and spotted his son, fully immersed in the kids show that was playing on the TV. He chuckled and went to find his wife quickly. He found her in the kitchen washing dishes and walked up behind her, wrapping his arms around her.

"Hey darling." He whispered as he stood behind her. She didnt hear him walk up, causing her to jump. She turned and smacked him on the chest.

"That's wasnt funny Seungwoo! You scared me!" She huffed exasperatedly. He chuckled and squeezed her tighter, leaning down to peck her lips in greeting.

"Ewwww!" They couple looked over, seeing their son sticking his tongue out at them. They laughed and pulled away from each other.

"Come on dad! I wanna play before Minho comes home from school." Jisung exclaimed again, coming to pull at his sleeve again. Seungwoo looked at him and smiled.

"Okay, Okay. I just wanted to say hi to your mom, we can go now" He spoke while smiling.

"Yay!" Jisung yelled, running to put on his shoes.

"Make sure that he behaves and doesnt get hurt please." His wife said before he turned and walked out.

"I will. Ill always take care of him, you know that Marie." He smiled and kissed her once more before following the energetic child into the living room.

______________________________________

"I love you daddy" Jisung yawned out as his dad tucked him into bed. He was 6 years old now and told him that he didnt need it but his dad still insisted.

"I love you too Sung" Seungwoo responded, kissing Jisung's forehead softly.

"Will you tell me a bedtimes story?" Jisung murmured, already almost asleep.

"Sure baby." Seungwoo said once again smiling at his son. He started telling the story and as he expected, Jisung was asleep within 5 minutes.

______________________________________

"Dad is there something wrong with me?" An 8-year-old Jisung asked quietly.

"No, no, Sung what made you think that?" Seungwoo asked worriedly.

"The kids at school are mean dad. They dont like my cheeks and called my fat. Am I fat dad?" Jisung burst into tears, remembering all the mean things that the kids at school said.

"No Sung, you're perfect and I love you." He moved closer to hug his son, running a comforting hand through Jisung's hair. "Your mama loves you lots too okay. And Minho he loves you, and Changbin. They all love you, you just have to ignore the mean people, okay?" Jisung nodded sadly but had stopped crying.

"I love you dad."

"I love you too baby"

______________________________________ 

"Dad why did Minho leave?" A 13-year-old Jisung sobbed, laying his head on his father's shoulder.

"I don't know Sung." Seungwoo answered, running hand up and down the length of Jisung's back, trying to calm him down.

"I miss him dad. I miss him a lot."

"I know Sung. I know"

______________________________________

Seungwoo heard his phone ringing in the other room and he walked to answer it.

"Hello?" He spoke once he answered the call.

"Hello, is this Han Seungwoo?" He heard a female voice speak over the phone.

"Yes, this is he. What is it?"

"Sir, this is nurse Rose at the National Hospital, we have your son here with us." She spoke slowly, not wanting to overwelm him.

"What happened to my son? Where's my wife?" He asked hurriedly.

"Sir they were in an accident. There was alot of rain and they ran off the road into the ditch. Unfortunately your son, Jisung, was the only one to survive." She spoke sadly. 

"Okay. Tell me when he is ready to be discharged please." He said, hanging up right after. He fell to his knees and sobbed. He lost everything. His Marie was gone. For some reason he couldnt point out, he felt anger. Anger at the universe for taking away his love. Anger at the weather for making the storm so bad. Anger at his son for being the one to survive when his love died. He was surprised by the last thought but the more he thought about it, the more he felt that it was justified. They had given Jisung life and now he had taken Marie's life. He was an ungrateful child and needed to be taught a lesson, to be disciplined. He knew he should have been stricter when he was younger but there was nothing they could do now. He could only start now.

______________________________________

"Jisung, your father is here to pick you up." The nurse looked at him sadly, knowing how sad he had been lately.

"Okay," he whispered, moving to get out of the bed. He put on regular clothes and limped to the front desk to meet his father. Jisung went to greet him but stopped short, seeing the hatred in his eyes. He was scared by it, he had never seen his father look at him like that. They walked out to the car and drove home in silence. They reached the house and Seungwoo parked the car, stomping to the house and leaving Jisung by himself. Jisung decided to follow reluctantly and limped towards to front door.

He walked through the front door and stopped, seeing the house he grew up in a mess and so devoid of live. Its like the house died when his mother did and as he thought, it might has well have because nothing would be okay again. He saw his father walk out the kitchen and walked closer to him, opening his mouth to speak.

"Da-" he was cut off by the feeling of a hand hitting his face, causing his head to snap to the side.

"Don't call me that you murderer!" His father exclaimed, turning to face away from Jisung. At those words Jisung felt his heart shatter and drop to his feet. His own father thought he was a murderer. His own father had smacked him. Of only he knew what was coming, maybe he would have walked out the door while he still could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This gives a little bit of an insight to what really happened between Jisung and his father. Really I think that my brain is just postponing the actual chapters. But anyway I hope that you have a nice day. Bye!


	15. 1

When Jisung woke up the first thing he noticed was that it was still dark outside, the second was Minho's arm thrown over his waist. He turned slowly to face Minho, trying not to wake him up. Jisung looked at his sleeping figure and thought about how calm he looked. He looked relaxed. Jisung moved his eyes from Minho's face, traveling from his eyes to his nose, lips, down his neck, farther to his exposed chest. He just laid and admired, almost in a trance.

He turned away eventually, looking for Minho's phone so that he could check the time. Once he found it he clicked the home button, turning on the phone and blinding himself in the process. Once he could see again, he looked to the screen.

4:28 AM

He groaned at the fact that it was so early. He mentally cursed his body for waking him up so early but at the same time he was thankful, this would be easier to do if Minho was asleep. He slowly sat up and went to get off the bed, pausing when he heard Minho shift, hoping that he didnt wake up. When Minho settled again Jisung let out his breath and got off the bed, putting on his clothes from the night before. He could feel himself blush as he thought about last night, this morning? He didnt know for sure. What he did know was that he had never felt that way. He had never felt so loved and cherished. That feeling made this that much harder to do.

He looked around the room and spotted a desk. He walked towards it and looked for a piece of paper in one of the drawers. He sighed, sitting at the desk chair and started to write. This was gonna be hard but it had to be done. He finished writing and stood up, placing the paper under Minho's phone on the nightstand, somewhere that he knew Minho would find it. Jisung walked closer to the bed and leaned over Minho, pressing his lips softly against his.

"I love you" he confessed, holding back tears. He stood straight and walked out the door, only turning to look back once.

______________________________________

Minho groaned as he woke up, turning he felt the bed next to him. He sat up quickly when he felt nothing, looking around the room, only to find all of Jisung's clothes gone. He hurriedly stood from the bed, finding his clothes and putting them back on. Minho found his phone on the nightstand with what seemed to be a note. He cautiously picked it up, sliding his phone into his pocket and opened the note.

 

_Dear Minho,_   
_This isn't going to make alot of sense to you I know..._

______________________________________

Jisung looked around the street he was walking on. He didnt really know where he was, only that he wasnt far from his destination. He wondered if Minho was awake yet, if he had read his note. He would have to hurry, if Minho had read his note then he was probably looking for him. He would know exactly where to go. He shook his head and walked faster.

 

_...and I'm sorry that I broke my promise..._

______________________________________

Minho ran down the stairs in a hurry. When he made it to the kitchen everyone was sitting around talking, everyone except who he wanted with him.

"Morning Minho. Where's Jisung?" Seungmin greeted with a smile.

"Yeah, we know that you guys spent the night together," Changbin teased with a smirk, taking in Minho disheveled appearance. Eyes lingering on the bruises littering his neck.

"This is really not the time guys" Minho said breathlessly. "Jisung isn't here and I think I know where he went. We have to go find him before its too late, please."

 

. _..This isn't a suicide note, well not entirely..._

______________________________________

Jisung felt his breath catch in his throat as his destination came into view. He wasnt ready but it had to be done.

 

. _..I'm currently going to a place that I promised you I wouldnt go to. I might be there already by the time you read this..._  
______________________________________

   Minho ran out the door, everyone else following behind him. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and tried to turn it, only to find that it was dead.

"Damn it! Does anyone have their phones with them, I need you to call the police?" He spoke frantically, looking from person to person.

"I do." Felix spoke, pulling his phone out of his pocket and dialing the number.

 

. _..I know that my father will be livid that I didn't come back last night and there is a very good chance that I won't see you again.._.

______________________________________

Jisung let out the breath that he was holding, walking towards the door of his house. He grabbed the knob and turned it slowly, pushing the door open. He was relieved that his dad wasn't in the living room when he walked in but that relief quickly faded at he heard heavy footsteps from upstairs, coming closer.

 

_...Even after everything that I told you, there where still things that I didnt say. I will say them now while I still can..._

______________________________________

"911, what's your emergency?" The voice carried over the phone. Felix handed the phone to Minho.

"Hello. I would like to report child abuse and possible attempt at murder" Minho said quickly once he grabbed the phone.

"Sir do you have proof of these accusations." The woman sighed. Minho growled low in his throat. He just wanted to help Jisung but this woman was taking up too much time.

"Yes I do. I have a hand written note from the victim and I've also seen the marks." He said through clenched teeth, wanting to get this over.

"Okay sir can you give us the address and we will send officers and an ambulance to check the scene. We will talk with you after." The woman concluded. Minho sighed. 'Finally' he thought.

"Yeah the address is -"

 

. _..The beatings have been getting worse over the last couple of weeks, I think my father is finally losing his sanity..._

______________________________________

   "Boy! Where were you last night?" Jisung flinched back at the volume of his father's voice.

"I was out," Jisung replied, sucking in a breath when his father came down the stairs. He could see the rage in his father's face.

"Don't sass me boy! Give me a straight answer!" Jisung clenched his teeth when he felt his father grip his hair.

"I'm not sassing you, I was just out." He hissed through his teeth, squeezing his eyes shut when the grip tightened. He heard his father growl and flinched once again. He regretted talking but it had to be done.

 

_...I knew I wouldn't keep my promise as soon as I made it, I had to go back. He is my father and even after everything he's done, I still love him. I have to be there for him Minho..._

______________________________________

Minho panted as he ran down the street. He didn't realize how far Felix's house was from Jisung's last night. He cursed himself for not noticing that Jisung had left earlier. He was asleep and now he may lose the one that he loves because of it.

"Hey, Minho! Slow down a bit yeah, I know you wanna get to Jisung but the police are already on their way there. We can't keep up with you." Minho was snapped out of his thoughts by Jeongin's voice, only now noticing how far behind him they were. He sighed and slowed down slightly.

"I have to get there. What if the police are to late?" He asked breathless.

"What are you gonna do if you get there before anyone else? You're not much bigger than Jisung and apparently this guy throws him around like a rag doll, you couldn't do anything." Jeongin had logically reasons but Minho was so far in his head that it didn't matter, he just needed to get to Jisung.

"No! I have to be there. You dont have to come with me!" Minho yelled turning to face the group. He had tear tracks on his cheeks and could hardly breath. Everyone flinched back at the volume of his voice, not expecting that from the soft-spoken boy.

"I'm going. You can follow if you want to." He spoke quieter, turning, he started running again. He had to make it there.

 

. _..I used to want to die. I've tried to kill myself 3 times. I used to look forward to the day that my father would hit me too hard and end it all..._

______________________________________

    Jisung felt his head snap to the side as his father's hand connected with his cheek. He bit back a yelp and turned his head forward again.

"Answer me you ungrateful brat!" His father yelled in his face. Jisung couldn't smell any alcohol and that just made it worse. His father was doing this while he was sober.

"I wasnt with anyone last night" he hissed through his teeth, looking his father in the eye. He had to stay strong, he was tired of being a punching bag.

"Liar! You have marks on your body. You where out whoring around last night, so tell me who you were with!" His father swung his fist again, connecting with Jisung's temple. The force of the hit knocked him off his feet and he looked up at his father from the floor, spitting the blood from his mouth onto the floor.

"I wasn't with anyone" Jisung still refused to answer, knowing that it would make everything worse for himself but he had people to protect. He felt his father's foot connect with his ribs, causing him to groan but he wouldnt break. He couldn't afford to.

 

_...I dont want that to happen anymore, I found a reason to live. Minho, you are my reason to live..._

______________________________________

  Minho grunted as he felt the impact of the ground, having tripped while running. He hissed as he sat up on the concrete. He examined himself quickly to check for any injuries. Seeing nothing major, only scrapes and what is going to be a nasty bruise, he stood and tried to walk forward again, wincing when he put pressure on his ankle. He looked down and groaned, this really wasnt the time to be a klutz. He was startled by the feeling of someone's hand on his shoulder.

"We told you to slow down a bit didn't we?" He recognized Felix's deep voice and turned, seeing the rest of the group approaching them.

"You actually followed me?" He asked in disbelief. He had thought that they would turn around and leave after he had yelled at them.

"Yeah, we were going to anyway but not everyone is athletic and can run for miles," Changbin spoke in a sarcastic tone. "Jisung is my friend too and I dont want anything to happen to him either." He continued in a quieter voice.

"We can help to Minho," Seungmin spoke from his place next to Hyunjin and sent a smile towards Minho.

"We have to hurry." Minho replied and the group nodded. Felix wrapped an arm around Minho's waist and helped him walk. He just hoped that they could still make it in time.

 

. _..Now you're probably asking why I went back then. Why didn't I keep my promise? The answer is as twisted as the situation itself..._

______________________________________

Jisung spit blood once again. He was laying on his side, propping himself on his elbows. He coughed when felt a foot once again make contact with his ribs, causing black dots to dance across his vision. Glancing up at his father, he could see that he was physically shaking with anger. Jisung shaking stood up and looked at his father again, making eye contact and trying to hold it.

"I never told you that you could stand up." His father said in a low voice, sending chills through Jisung's body.

"I didn't need to be told," Jisung replied with a shaky voice, only this time it wasnt from fear. He was done taking his father's anger. He was a person too and he was done. He just had to prove it.

 

_...Even though my father hates me, he doesn't want me to leave. If I left he would find me, it's happened before, that was one of the worst beatings..._

______________________________________

  Sirens. Minho could hear sirens in the distance. He tried to speed up but was held back by Felix's arm.

"We're almost there, we have to speed up!" Minho spoke urgently, trying to walk faster once again.

"We're close its okay. It sound like the police are there and if we show up now they wont let us close anyway. Just catch your breath Minho." Hyunjin laid a comforting hand on Minho's shoulder, trying to calm him down slightly. Minho sighed but gave in, knowing that he needed their help.

"We cant stop, we have to keep walking," he said, walking forwards at a slower pace.

"Okay, okay we can keep walking" Chris came to Minho's side and started walking with him. They were almost there.

 

_...If I had kept my promise and lived with you, he would have found me. That would have put you in danger. I couldn't do that Minho..._

______________________________________

"I'm not a punching bag and I'm tired of you treating me like one," Jisung continued, looking his father in the eyes. He could his father's breath get heavier and swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Dont talk back to me boy" His father spoke in the same low voice from earlier and it unsettled Jisung. He was used to the loud yelling and curses, this quiet rage scared him because he didnt know what to expect.

"I will talk back. I dont want to live like this anymore. I'm tired of getting punished for something that I didnt do!" Jisung didn't even realized that his voice had been raising as he spoke.

"Dont you yell at me!" His father exclaimed, hitting him once again and knocking him off his feet, "you deserve to be punished. You murdered your own mother. You deserve this!" He continued to yell and Jisung just felt more anger.

"I DIDNT KILL MOM!" He yelled from the floor. He was done being guilty for something that was an accident. He used to believe everything that his father told him but Minho had showed him just how wrong his father had been.

"I didn't kill mom and I dont deserve to be punished for her death. I was just as sad and felt just as much pain as y-" he was cut off by his father's hand smacking his cheek again.

"You dont know how I felt! You dont get to feel the pain when you are the one that did it!" He father was now kneeling on front of him and holding his shoulders, shaking him as he spoke.

"I do know h-"

"No! You dont know!" His father once again moved his grip to Jisung's hair, using it to force him flat to the floor. He was now kneeling over Jisung, yelling. Before Jisung knew what was happening, his head connected with the floor and just kept hitting. He saw black spots again but refused to give into them.

"Stop!" He yelled, trying to pry his father's hands from his hair but he wasnt strong enough. He was never strong enough.

 

_...I will finally fight back this time but just in case I'm not strong enough I just want you to know that I love you and if I don't make it out of this, I want you to be happy..._

______________________________________

Minho could see Jisung's house in the distance, surrounded by flashing lights. They could see the police pushing someone in cuffs towards the car and Minho realized that it was Jisung's dad. He hadn't changed alot from when they were kids, at least not physically. Looking closer he realized that Seungwoo was covered in blood, having it splattered on his shirt and on his hands. Minho felt his own blood run cold

"No, no, no. We're too late." He spoke quickly, breaking out of Felix's hold and running towards the house. He ran past Seungwoo and the police tape, rushing to find Jisung. He turned and tried to find the ambulance. He didnt find it.

"Where is Jisung?" He called out for anyone to hear him but no one answered. He felt tears once again roll down his cheeks and he slowly sunk down to his knees.

"Min-" Seungmin started to speak.

"No! This is your fault, all of you! I could have been here if you hadn't stopped me. I could have been here but I wasn't" Minho ended in a shaky voice and broke into sobs, falling forwards onto his hands. He felt a hand on his shoulder but didn't register who it was. He didnt care anymore.

 

_...I want you to move on and not dwell on the kid who's life got the best of him..._

______________________________________

Jisung felt his breathing become unsteady as his hands fell to the floor. His father was still yelling but Jisung couldn't hear anything, it was just silent. He could still feel the impact of the floor but now everything felt like cotton, everything felt fuzzy and he couldn't see straight. Jisung sucked in a breath and looked at his father's angry face and felt sadness instead of anger. He used to be a good person and Jisung missed him, that's why he never did anything. This man wasn't his father and he had been naive to think that his father would ever come back to him. He realized that he had been feeling the pain of losing four people instead of three. He had thought he had only lost his mother, the baby, and Minho but now he realized that he had lost his father that day too.

Minho. He regretted leaving so early this morning, he should have stayed with Minho longer. Nothing would have changed in the end and Jisung would still be right here in this very position even if he had stayed but it would've been nice. These last couple months had been nice. For once in the last three years, life was nice and he was happy.

'This was nice Minho' Jisung thought sadly as he felt consciousness finally leave him and let his eyes fall shut.

 

_...That's all. I love you Minho._   
_Jisung..._


	16. 0

_"This is Rebecca Straight from Channel 45 news. Tonight we have some tragic news._

_Earlier today mister Han Seungwoo was taken into police custody and faces some pretty gruesome charges. At about 12:39 PM the police station got a call from a young man, who's name will be kept confidential. They were told about a case of child abuse and attempt at murder. The police force sent a squad of cars and an ambulance to the address given, when they arrived they were surprised by the quiet surrounding the house. The officers had approached and ran into the house, finding Seungwoo over the body of his unconscious son, Han Jisung._

_The man had smashed his head into the floor causing him to lose consciousness. The police immediately cuffed Seungwoo and escorted him off the property, he is now at the station awaiting trial for his sentence. Unfortunately the paramedics could not save Jisung. He had suffered major head and internal injuries. He was bleeding internally and there was nothing they could do. They said that he was gone before they got there, that his brain had shut down before his body had. Everyone please keep Jisung's loved ones in your prayers and I personally hope that they are okay._

_This has been Rebecca Straight with Channel 45. Spreading the news for the people to hear."_

**Author's Note:**

> I really do love all members of Stray Kids please remember that this is a work of fiction and I mean no harm to anyone through this work.


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